you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
