I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
