I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
