Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
