His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
