What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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