seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
