Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
