imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
