I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
