I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
