I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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