If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
