its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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