Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
