I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
