whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
