Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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