Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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