i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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