dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
