If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
