we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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