just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
