I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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