I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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