community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
