do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
