But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
