I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
