We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
