The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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