Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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