Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
