i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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