So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
