sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
