I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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