I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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