I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
