I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you had me at cake vodka
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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