your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
ttyl tear gas
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
