Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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