So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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