well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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