I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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