my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This baby is an asshole
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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