I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
