I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i out mim tonsoeep
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