I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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